


you can learn to fly on the way down

by n0rthern_l1ghts



Category: One Tree Hill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-04-19
Packaged: 2018-03-24 16:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3775750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/n0rthern_l1ghts/pseuds/n0rthern_l1ghts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Her friendship with Brooke was finally recovering when Peyton followed Jake to Savannah in search of a kind of happiness she'd never known. Now she's back in Tree Hill to bring her two lives together, with a pile of unsent letters that tell the story of how she and Jake fell in love, and built a life for themselves and Jenny.</p><p>Canon divergent from 1x21</p>
            </blockquote>





	you can learn to fly on the way down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [helsinkibaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/helsinkibaby/gifts).



“You _left_ , Peyton. I was so close to letting you back in, I almost trusted you again, and then you were just _gone_.  Nobody heard from you for a _year_ , okay. God, I asked _Lucas_ for help looking for you; I spent hours begging your dad to tell me _anything_. If you go back to Savannah and never speak to me again, that’ll be just fine.”

And to think, she’d actually thought the hard part was over.

* * *

 

_“I've got a way for you to leave, but you'll have to go in the morning."_

_Peyton coming hadn’t been part of the plan, but as she stood on the pier to say goodbye, it seemed her feet hadn’t gotten the message. She wasn’t going to stay with Jake, of course. She had a whole life in Tree Hill, and it was all just starting to fall back into place. She’d just go on a trip with her father, god knows she needed the time with him._

_A few hours later they docked in Savannah, and instead of sobbing on the pier as Jake sailed away on the boat, she was sobbing on the boat as it left, Jake’s form fading out of view as he stood on the pier. A few hours of peace on the boat, rocking Jenny in her lap as Jake fiddled around on his guitar, feeling something she couldn’t quite name, something she’d never really felt before._

_It was docked outside Key West that her father helped her name it. She was trying to sketch the calm ocean, the vibrant blues losing their life on her paper when he walked up and sat beside her._

_“I never knew a sunny day in the Caribbean could look so drab. You need your eyes checked honey?”_

_“Hey now, shouldn’t you be complimenting your amazingly talented daughter for her outstanding ability to make anything express her mood?”_

_“Maybe we should go find a puppy. I would think beautiful weather would be enough to make you smile, but it looks like more extreme measures are needed. Hell, it would be good to know you have something to make you comfortable and content while I’m away.”_

_“Oh, come on now, you know puppies are so much better at looking sad than sun is. I seem to remember someone complaining about Brooke’s puppy dog eyes whenever she’d beg for your ‘famous pancakes’ at six in the morning.”_

_“Well, let me tell you, babies are even better at looking sad than puppies. The only drawings I’ve seen of yours that express any sort of contentment are of a baby, but a puppy is sure as hell as close to one of those as you’re getting.”_

_Contentment. That was what she’d felt with Jake and Jenny. God, she had forgotten what contentment felt like._

_“Or maybe you are. I may be gone more often than not, but that doesn’t mean I can’t read the look on your face right now. I’ve seen that smile, hey. I’ve heard your laugh, and I know that it’s around more often when I’m there than when I’m not, but it always goes as fast as it comes. The only time I’ve seen it steady is on that boat between Tree Hill and Savannah. All I want is for you to be happy, sweetheart. Do whatever it takes to be happy, I’ll back you up.”_

_When the boat stopped in Savannah on the way back, so did Peyton._

* * *

 

“Brooke.”

“You know, when I told Peyton to stay away from me, I didn’t realize that I also needed to tell her not to send her boytoy.”

“Good to see you’re charming as ever, Brooke.”

“Get lost, Jake.”

“No. She was just trying to do a good thing, Brooke. She’s the reason why I get to keep my daughter. She’s the reason we came back, and we came back because she missed you, okay. We had a life in Savannah, we didn’t have to come back. Just…hear her out. She asked me to give you these letters. She left in spite of you, and she came back because of you. The least you can do is read them.”

* * *

 

_Brooke,_

_All I want to do is pick up the phone and call you, god, you have no idea how much. I can’t though, I can’t risk it. I can’t risk anything that would give Nicki even the slightest idea of where to look for us. Even if you still hate me, you’re still the only person I can imagine telling this to._

_Remember when we were kids, back before my mom died? When I was the happy one, back when I took care of you? You’d come over whenever your parents were being jerks, and we’d just…I don’t even know what we’d do anymore, I just remember being happy enough to make someone feel loved. After my mom died, you were the one to take care of me. I couldn’t handle your sadness on top of mine, so you just pushed it down and smiled for me, you made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. And now—it’s like I found that part of myself again. There’s hope in my drawings. I’ve always been able to project it, but now I have actual strength to give to Jake and Jenny._

_I was supposed to be there for you, but I was so busy trying to convince everybody that I didn’t need any help that when Lucas saw through that and went out of his way to give me it, I fell in love and I clung to it, and I thought he was going to save me._

_Look at me, talking about Lucas. If you’d gotten over hating me, I screwed that up there. I’m not going to send this though. Who knows if I’ll ever even talk to you again. This is my only chance to defend myself to you. I know he was the only person you let in after me, but he was the only person I let in after you, too. But then I needed to be taken care of, and you stopped showing me your pain, and I forgot you had it. Lucas got me, he was going to be there for me. I got selfish, I kept forgetting that you loved him, you loved him and you didn’t love anyone else but me, at all the moments where it mattered the most._

_While I’m being honest, I might as well admit something to you. Telling you, even in a letter that you might never read, that’ll make it real, and I don’t know if I’m ready for that. But I’ve always prided myself on being brave, so here I go._

_I love Jake. I’m in love with Jake. Look at me, how pathetic is that? I’ve managed to fall in love when it could ruin everything that makes me happy. Again. How pathetic is that? I know he loves me. He trusts me with Jenny in a way he never would if he didn’t. I don’t know if he’s IN love with me though. I know he doesn’t want to be with me though. I guess he thinks friendships can’t end as badly as relationships, I guess he thinks if we never start, we can never really stop. You and me are proof that isn’t true._

_—Peyton_

* * *

 

_Brooke,_

_It turns out I am incredibly unemployable. Nobody wants to hire a high school dropout with no experience and no references. Probably should have seen that one coming, huh? Jake only got a job because we got my dad to pretend Jake used to work for him. I tried it too, but everyone gets stuck on the bit where I have the same name as my only reference and purse their lips and send me away. I kinda stopped trying when they kept offering Jake more hours at the docks. Jake's cousin works full time too, and there's no way I could make more than childcare would cost, so I've become a stay at home mom. Who is actually present in her child's life. I know, I didn't believe that was a thing either, but I guess that's what my mom did after I was born. It makes me feel close to her, somehow. Like I can feel her spirit near me, or whatever crap people believe in._

_You probably noticed that I called Jenny my kid. Figurative you, because real you isn't reading this. Some day you will though. We won't have to hide from Nicki forever, and I am going to give you this letter. And probably more I haven't written yet. And probably even that one that's sitting in the bottom of my box of art supplies. It mentions the L word, but we can't avoid talking about him forever unless we never talk. I don't want that for us, and I don't think you do either._

_Okay, wow, I was trying to tell you something there. Something good, for once, and you know I need to tell you when something good happens. Jenny is basically mine now. Jake and I aren't together or anything, but three days ago he called her "ours." Maybe he'd done it before, but this was the first time I noticed it. I didn't even realize until a few hours later, when I was playing with Jenny and babbling something about how she's my pretty girl, and it just kind of hit me, you know? That I knew she was mine, and Jake knew she was mine. Before that I'd always feel real guilty when I'd say something like that, because she was Jake's, and I'm just here to--wow, I do not have an end for that sentence. I didn't leave high school, leave Tree Hill, leave you just to be a glorified babysitter. I left to be part of something, and I've never really been part of anything before. I was never really part of the squad, I was just there for you and then for Nathan and then just because I was used to it. I wasn't part of Nathan's life. Even when I was with Lucas, I was on the outside of your relationship with him. Now I'm part of this family, and that kind of makes all the bad parts mean something. _

_\--Peyton_

* * *

 

_Brooke,_

_I got a job the other day. It's awful, of course. I'm waiting tables at a diner on the outskirts of town. It's more to show stability to the courts than anything else. We're going for it. We're fighting for custody of Jenny. My dad's been giving us a little cash every time he goes through Savannah, and I've been selling some drawings using a fake name. Apparently I am good at "capturing the charm" of Savannah. Of course, I only hear that from the tourists who are here to see all the "haunted" crap, but it works out well for me. Between all that money and Jake's job, we have enough money to hire a lawyer. To actually get custody, we'll need to publish our names in the newspaper for a week or two, so we're keeping as low of a profile as we can until then. Nicki might not even see the ad, and then we wouldn't have to fight for Jenny at all. If she does see it, we need to be as prepared as we can be. We can't risk losing her._

_That's why Jake and I are getting married. It's crazy. I'm 17 and Jake is 18, and we aren't even together. Sometimes I think maybe Jake's first instinct was right, that this is too much. I think about Nathan and Lucas's moms. We've all seen how this story can end, and that wouldn't be good for Jenny. But I also think about myself, and about my mom. I know what it's like to lose a mother, and I can't put Jenny through that. She'll have enough baggage over Nicki. If I want out, I need to leave now, before she has strong memories of me. If I choose to stay, I'm making the same commitment for myself, so why shouldn't I make that commitment in a way that could help keep Jenny safe._

_He took some convincing, of course. He always does. I get it, he sees this as the only choice for him, and he doesn't want to trap me with him. I keep telling him that he isn't trapping me. He keeps making a point of leaving the door open for me so I can get out. We talked about it, the night we decided to get married. He really believed that Nicki would stay, and he's afraid that if he really starts believing that I'm going to stay too, that's when I'll go. It took us two hours of talking for him to realize that's what he was feeling, and another few hours before he started really believing it._

_I told him I that I'm in love with him. I wasn't going to. I was so worried about messing up the relationship we have, and what it would do to Jenny, but it seemed like the right thing to do in the moment. He's in love with me too, and we're going to figure it out, but it's kind of on hold right now. We're totally going to wind up not having sex until we're married, which is just all kinds of crazy. The thing is...even if the sex is awful, I still want this. I kinda think it won't be though, considering how we basically came to this unspoken agreement ages ago that we touch as little as possible to avoid the sexual tension. Too bad you won't be here to pester me for all the details. I still can't believe I told you about that thing Nathan did with his tongue when he went down on me. Then you taught it to the whole squad._

_Great, now I'm sad that all of Tree Hill High won't be talking about Jake Jagielski's sex tricks. That is not something I ever thought I would say. Or write, whatever. I should write you more often, but it's easier sometimes if I don't let myself think about you. Now I'm planning a wedding, though, and that isn't something I can do without thinking about my best friend. You'd be horrified, it isn't even really going to be a wedding. Just a civil ceremony in a courthouse. My dad won't even be there. He's signing some paperwork, but it needs to be processed before we can get married, and he'll be down in the Keys when it happens. We could wait for him to stop off on his way back, I guess, but he's gone back to taking longer trips again. Anyways, if he isn't there it won't feel as wrong for not having you and Jake's parents. This "wedding" is really just about Jake and I becoming a family. We decided that we'll have a real ceremony, with all our friends and families, when we want to do something about our love. It might not happen for a while, but I will have a wedding, and you will be planning it. I don't think you even get to say no._

_\--Peyton_

* * *

 

_Brooke,_

_Jake and I kissed for the first time tonight. And had sex. Now he's laughing at me because I said it wouldn't feel real until I told you._

_\--Peyton_

 

* * *

 

"Peyton?" Brooke asked, peeking her head around the doorframe.

"Brooke, hi."

"So, I'm not sure if you know this, but I have a tendency to overreact to things. Occasionally."

"Noooooo, you?"

"Oh, shut up. Peyton, I'm really sorry. I knew how much you cared about Jake and Jenny, and I knew how bad everything was with Nicki. I just...I had just started to let you in again, and I really didn't want to be sad anymore, so I got angry instead. Forgive me?"

"Come here," Peyton pulled Brooke into a hug, toppling backwards onto the bed.

"Okay, Goldilocks, this is all well and good, but I definitely read something about you having a wedding for me to plan."

"Whoa, we are so not there yet. Jake and I both want to get our GEDs and, I don't know, spend some time figuring out how to be together without looking over our shoulders. I do have another thing you might be interested in doing, though."

"I'm listening."

"Well,  _somebody_ needs to go back to Savannah and get all our stuff, and I was thinking, maybe that somebody could make it a road trip and bring her best friend along?"

"Oooh, yes, I am SO there."


End file.
